TRUST
TRUST is a very important factor for all relationships.
When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship. Lack of trust leads
to suspicion, suspicion generates anger, anger causes enmity and
enmity may result in separation.
A telephone
operator told me that one day she received a phone call. She answered,
"Public Utilities Board." There was silence. She repeated,
"PUB." There was still no answer. When she was going to cut off the
line, she Heard a lady's voice, "Oh, so this is PUB. Sorry,
I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do not know whose number it
is."
Without
mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the couple if the telephone
operator answered with just "hello" instead of "PUB".
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NO POINTING FINGERS
A man asked
his father-in-law, "Many people praised you for a successful marriage.
Could you please share with me your secret?"
The
father-in-law answered in a smile, "Never criticize your wife for her
shortcomings or when she does something wrong. Always bear in mind that
because of her shortcomings and weaknesses, she could not find a better
husband than
you."
We all look
forward to being loved and respected. Many people are afraid of losing face.
Generally, when a person makes a mistake, he would look around to find a
scapegoat to point the finger at. This is the start of a war. We should
always remember that when we point one finger at a person, the other four
fingers are pointing at ourselves.
If we forgive
the others, others will ignore our mistake too.
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CREATING PERFECT RELATIONSHIPS?
A person
visited the government matchmaker for marriage, SDU, and requested "I am
looking for a spouse. Please help me to find a suitable one." The SDU
officer said, "Your requirements, please." "Oh, good looking,
polite, humorous , sporty, knowledgeable, good in singing and dancing.
Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my
leisure hour,
if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for
conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The officer listened
carefully and replied, "I understand you need television."
There is a
saying that a perfect match can only be found between a blind wife and a deaf
husband ,because the blind wife cannot see the faults of the husband and the
deaf husband cannot hear the nagging of the wife. Many couples are blind and
deaf at the courting stage and dream of perpetual perfect relationship.
Unfortunately, when the excitement of love wears off, they wake up and
discover that marriage is not a bed of roses. The nightmare begins.
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NO OVERPOWERING
Many
relationships fail because one party tries to overpower another,or demands
too much. People in love tend to think that love will conquer all and their
spouses will change the bad habits after marriage. Actually, this is not the
case. There is a Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "It is
easier to reshape a mountain or a river than a person's character."
It is not
easy to change. Thus, having high expectation on changing the spouse
character will cause disappointment and unpleasantness.
It would be
less painful to change ourselves and lower our expectations..
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RIGHT SPEECH
There is a
Chinese saying which carries the meaning that "A speech will either
prosper or ruin a nation." Many relationships break off because of wrong
speech. When a couple is too close with each other,we always forget mutual
respect and courtesy. We may say anything without considering if it would
hurt the other party.
A friend and
her millionaire husband visited their construction site. A worker who wore a
helmet saw her and shouted,"Hi, Emily! Remember me? We used to date in
the secondary school." On the way home, her millionaire husband teased
her, "Luckily you married me.Otherwise you will be the wife of a
construction worker." She answered ,"You should appreciate that you
married me. Otherwise, he will be the millionaire and not you."
Frequently
exchanging these remarks plants the seed for a bad relationship. It's like a
broken egg - cannot be reversed.
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PERSONAL PERCEPTION
Different
people have different perception. One man's meat could be another man's
poison. A couple bought a donkey from the market. On the way home,a boy
commented, "Very stupid. Why neither of them ride on the
donkey?"Upon hearing that, the husband let the wife ride on the donkey.
He walked besides them. Later, an old man saw it and commented, "The
husband is the head of family. How can the wife ride on the donkey while the
husband is on foot?" Hearing this, the wife quickly got down and let the
husband ride on the donkey.
Further on
the way home, they met an old Lady. She commented, "How can the man ride
on the donkey but let the wife walk. He is no gentleman."
The husband
thus quickly asked the wife to join him on the donkey. Then, they met a young
man. He commented, "Poor donkey, how can you hold up the weight of two
persons. They are cruel to you." Hearing that, the husband and wife
immediately climbed down from the donkey and carried it on their shoulders.
It seems to
be the only choice left. Later, on a na rrow bridge, the donkey was
frightened and struggled. They lost their balance and fell into the river.
You can never have everyone praise you, nor will everyone condemn you. Never in
the past, not at present, and never will be in the future.
Thus, do not
be too bothered by others words if our conscience is clear.
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BE PATIENT
This is a true
story which happened in the States. A man came out of his home to admire his
new truck. To his puzzlement, his three-year-old son was happily hammering
dents into the shiny paint of the truck. The man ran to his son, knocked him
away, hammered the little boy's hands into pulp as punishment. When the
father calmed down, he rushed his son to the hospital.
Although the
doctor tried desperately to save the crushed bones, he finally had to
amputate the fingers from both the boy's hands. When the boy woke up from the
surgery & saw his bandaged stubs, he innocently said, " Daddy,I'm
sorry about your truck." Then he asked, "but when are my fingers
going to grow back?" The father went home & committed
suicide.
Think about
this story the next time someone steps on your feet or u wish to take
revenge. Think first before u lose your patience with someone u love. Trucks
can be repaired.. Broken bones & hurt feelings often can't. Too often we
fail to recognize the difference between the person and the performance. We
forget that forgiveness is greater than revenge.
People make
mistakes. We are allowed to make mistakes. But the actions we take while in a
rage will haunt us forever.
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